Household Staff ~ Negotiating Contracts

This is Fuzz-Buzz

Even though just a kitten, she carried a detailed job description when she arrived. It was clear that in exchange for purring, and never hissing or being cross, her primary duties were to be limited to sitting on chairs and beds of her choice.

She made it clear that she would have no part in chasing mice, imaginary mice or any fast moving objects. She agreed to remain an indoor cat, especially since there are no beds on the back porch, so why bother.

In addition, she promised to flash her baby blue eyes at guests only long enough for their admiration, then it would be back to holding down any moveable furniture.

She occasionally admits to taking a swipe at a chair or two, but only in passing. So, what's the problem?

This is Lalique

This little girl was a Princess from day one. Her terms were that she was to be held at all times. She found that jumping on to a shoulder was an especially enjoyable sport. And making herself into a fur neck wrap was quite delightful. This meant that she could have a full time ride around the house and be held ... all at the same time.

In exchange, she produced the loudest purr on the planet. Her favorite occupation is to purr into the phone when people are talking. She's rather proud that some think we have a tiger in the household.

She is the social director of the household and delights in locating the one person in the group that does not like cats. She prompty occupies their lap. She doesn't seem to mind that they pet her with one finger.

Escaping outside is another favorite hobby. Even though warned about all the horrible things waiting to devour her, she doesn't think this includes her. And hiding behind the bushes while everyone is frantic is rather amusing.

She knows when she is finally discovered, everyone will be so grateful that she will be pampered and held, again. And that is the game.

Also, she is quite clear that any swipes to the chairs do not come from her. It is that big fat lazy cat who sleeps all day on the bed ... who is clearly to blame.

There is one thing that upsets Lalique and that is when mom is gone. Just what is a girl to do all day?

So, getting cozy with Fuzz-Buzz is about as comfy as you can get.

You know, maybe Fuzz-Buzz has something going with this 24 hour sleeping schedule. Well, almost, 24 hours. We all know she sneaks off to eat. Have you picked her up, lately? Geezzzzz !

Fuzz and I both agree life isn't perfect here. There is something they call "contracts". It bascially is about all the things we cannot do. It's really annoying and unreasonable.

It is about things like: staying off the kitchen counter, not jumping on the tables, and most of all, not scratching chairs. What's so special about those chairs, they've had them forever.

They actually went out and bought those dumb things called "cat scratchers". Now really, I'm supposed to travel to scratch something?

Fuzz and I agreed that we'd like to make them happy and worked the scratcher over a little bit just to please them. However, we got tired of that and were soon back to taking swipes at something more convenient like the nearest chair.

This is NOT a plan !

Apparently, they thought we didn't like the little cat-scratcher and they actually bought a bigger one!

Fuzz and I decided to destroy it as quickly as possible. That way it would be removed from the house once and for all, and we could get back to taking swipes at what we do best, the chairs.

Hello ! We do not like this !!

Now, this is the horrible part of our story. They called a meeting.

We were each carried by all the chairs in the house. Mom didn't sound ... friendly. And I remember exactly what she said !

CHAIR NUMBER ONE !

"Do not scratch this chair ! You may only sit on this chair!

This is not "your" chair!"

CHAIR NUMBER 2

"Do not scratch this chair! You may not even sit in this chair!

Remember ... this is a living room chair! "

Now, we are getting nervous.

We were heading towards the ... dining room.

We didn't even ... meow !

CHAIR NUMBER 3

"Don't even think about it ! Not even one paw touches this chair!

You may not ever sit on this chair."

Fuzz and I decided we'd spend some time under the bed.

Things were pretty quiet around the house for a long time. I think they kinda missed us, because they started looking for us ... you know, with that baby talk stuff. That's when we knew the scary times were over.

We finally came out and crawled up on their laps and started purring. We knew we had them, now. This was "negotiating" time.

This story has a really happy ending.

We got a cat-scratcher of our very own. We even got to choose it.

It is even in the shape of a chair. (No, we can't touch the other chairs.) But look what we got!

We get to scratch it, claw it, jump on it, sleep in it, tear it up ... anything we want.

Take a look ... how cool is that?!